ugh…. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I don’t really blame him, I guess. Could be something internalized, could be because he’s 16 and a product of his upbringing….
But I just feel so sick because of what my brother just said.
We were watching the SPG bonuses, the “Rabbit’s Makeup” track, specifically. And he notices Bunny’s nail polish. And he just turns to me and says, “Hey, I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but, is he gay?”
And I’m like, okay, I can see where he’s making this assumption from, but I’m tired of pussyfooting around Bunny’s friggen pronouns because my brother doesn’t really know who she is other than the person that plays Rabbit.
So I hesitated a bit, and then explained, you know, Bunny’s a girl, she plays Rabbit, who is a guy, and Bunny feels like painting her nails, so why not? And she is gay because she has a girlfriend, but that’s beside the point, right?
And he just…. Gives me this look like I’m completely nutters. And he asks “What, he’s schizophrenic?”
Now, ignoring the fact that that isn’t what schizophrenia freaking is... I patiently tried to explain, you know, what I thought was a simple subject.
And he finally looses his temper, and tells me “He hasn’t had any surgery, so he’s just a guy. That’s messed up.” And he walks away, all angry, and….
I just don’t understand?
I’ve told him before, explained to him, that I’m genderfluid. And he seemed to understand. He didn’t have a problem with that.
But knowing that Bunny is trans* seemed to make him really upset!
I don’t know. My mom delicately suggested that maybe he’s internalizing some confusion- he was fond of crossdressing as a wee babby, and he only really stopped because my dad said he didn’t like him doing that. But I’ve offered to help him out before, and he said that I couldn’t offer anything, even though he KNOWS I could write a damn dissertation on gender expression and stuff.
I suppose on another level it could be that he had already formulated this idea in his mind of Bunny as this really cool, macho man, especially after watching the DVD and seeing the band’s silly fantasy thing, and seeing STRONG BARBARIAN ROAR Bunny. And I suppose that having that image replaced by what in his mind is a total misconception about trans*women brought on by being raised in a queer-phobic environment could be really jarring for him. He might not be able to understand.
But it really hurts. It makes me feel physically ill to know he’s so incapable of understanding, and so angry, and so willing to dismiss Bunny as a person altogether just because of a simple detail.
I just….. ugh.
I want to have a Rabbit plushie to hug and cuddle right now, jfc.